Cats! Seriously?

This writing prompt was my own creation. I came up with the premiss a few months back and decided to sit down and write it just recently. Hope you enjoy it.

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I slowly open my eyes. I have been sleeping more than I have been awake these last few days. A couple days back I heard the hospice nurse tell my mom and sister that this is normal due to all the pain killers I am on and that it will only get worse as they have to up my dose to keep me comfortable. Even so everything in my body hurts and its only getting worse. The doctors would have kept pumping me full of chemicals till my last breath but I couldn’t take it any more, it was surprisingly worse than the now constant pain. Being hooked up to a bag of poison in a hospital was not the way I wanted to go out. At 33 I didn’t expect to have to fight with my parents and sister to let me go but they eventually gave in, and  respected my wishes in the end, and so here I am staring at the far wall of my bedroom waiting for the cancer to finish the job it started nearly two years ago. 

I can hear my mom and sister talking quietly at the foot of the bed but my mind is too foggy to understand what they’re saying. I try to focus but can’t,   the cancer, pain meds or both have turned my mind into oatmeal so much so that I can’t even talk any more.

Just then at the corner of my bed my cat jumped up with a silent ease. Ollie, is a nearly solid black Bombay cat with only a small diamond of white just above his front legs. He is a beautiful cat but an absolute ass hole. I don’t know why I kept him around, I mean he has bitten me I don’t know how many times but here we are “frenemies” I guess.

As my mom and sister continue to talk unaware of the cat, Ollie confidently walks up and sits directly on the center of my chest wrapping his tail around his feet, just the tip tapping as if displeased with my lack of interaction. His judgy yellow green eyes unblinkingly stair into my own as if to say, “You were to be my kill, my opponent. You have disappointed me with your feeble state.”

Then with what was an uncharacteristic gentleness he lifted one paw placed it on my forehead and held it there. I was taken aback by what seemed like a compassionate act. I could feel the warmth of his toe pads gently flexing on my skin. Then he extended his claws and drug them down my forehead; but of course he would, this was the Ollie I knew. I tried to yell his name and swat him off but I didn’t have enough strength. All that came out was a gurgle followed by my hand coming up barely lifting the sheets a half inch before dropping back to the bed.

My pathetic noises were enough to get my mom and sister to turn to see what was going on. They quickly leapt up and shooed the cat away. Exchanging comments about their disapproval of the cat and his consistently bad behavior, and their shared confusion as to why I hadn’t given him away or even justifiably put him down years ago.

I started to laugh, or at least the version of a laugh that I was capable of and a small smile came to my face. The consistency of just what a dick Ollie is somehow made me happy, like I knew that everything was going to continue on without me just as it is now and that was a good thing.

As I smiled, my mom finished wiping the blood off my forehead, cupped my face with her hand and smiled back at me. And as my last breath left my body, Mom on one side, sister on the other, and my father preparing a meal in the kitchen, I though to myself “I am lucky to have had such great life, as short is it is was it was still a good life.”

My eyes closed, my muscles relaxed and as a life long atheist I embraced the nothing as the often discussed white light filled my mind before it winking out.

Pop! 

My ears rang with what seemed like the combination of a gunshot and an altitude change. Breath filled my lungs and my eyes snapped open as I sat up. I looked around expecting to see my mother and sister standing in my room but that was not what I saw at all. I was sitting on the floor of a very bright white room no furniture just sterile white panel walls. A rush of air swirled around me as if I was in the center of a tiny tornado. Up, down, left, right, front, back. each direction lasting for a few seconds before switching.

“Decontamination process complete.” A loud disembodied voice echoed in the room. “Decontamination?” I though to myself. As an aforementioned atheist I didn’t think much about the possibility of an afterlife but whatever idea I had of that possibility, this was definitely not what I was expecting.

A smooth electronic motor “whoosh” came from behind me. I awkwardly tried to turn around only to be met with the last thing I expected to see… an orange and white striped cat, slowly walking toward me as if there was noting out of the ordinary. My mind was trying to grasp at anything that could possibly explain what was going on here. “Okay so not the after life… yet, I guess? I know that when you die your brain dumps all kinds of chemical and people have reported strange things in near death experiences but that’s things like memories or visions of loved ones not a random strange cat in a stark white room.  What the fuck is up with my brain?” I thought to myself as I repositioned myself to face the cat, finding it incredibly easy and pain free to do so.

“Hello Greg, my name is… well unpronounceable for you, but you can call me Mr. Fuzzy Britches, as that is the name given to me by my human many years ago.” Mr. Fussy Britches said in a deep, very calm, and professional tone. I started laughing, I couldn’t help it. What the hell could possibly be going on? 

“The cancer must have really done a number on my brain because this is completely insane.” I said out loud but to myself; at least that’s what I told myself.

“I assure you Greg, your mind is perfectly sound and I am happy to inform you that you no longer have cancer or any other ailments for that matter, but we will get to that in a moment. For now, though I am certain you have plenty of questions, know that you are safe and and very lucky, please listen carefully.” the cat brought one paw up to his mouth and clears his throat in rehearsed nearly theatrical way.

“Ahem, ahem…” He cat raised his paw out to his left, flicking it up as if batting at a cat toy and a semi-transparent floating screen came up with what looked like some sort of text and an some images.

“You have been given a very special gift by the creature that owns you..”He pawed at screen tapping “buttons” and a new screen popped up to the right of the first. “Lets see… ah by the cat you know as Ollie.”

“Ollie owns me?” I blurted out adding an incredulous “Ha!” for effect.

“Please hold your questions until the end of my statement. Thank you… and Yes, the cat you know as Ollie. This was the name you chose to give him which apparently he was not a fan of and requested reassignment multiple times and… oh wow… that is a lot of complaints.” Mr. Fuzzy Britches scrolled through the new screen a few times, gave a face that looked like a grimace and then quickly waved the window away causing it to disappear.

“Well, we can discuss that later, I’m sure.”

“Discuss what?” my curiosity getting the better of me.

“Hold your questions until the end please. Now… where was I, ahh yes, You were given a mark by Ollie just before you died that designated you as a new member and a “transfer upon death”. Mr. Fuzzy Britches actually made air quotes with his front paws. “this designation instructs us to remove the deceased to a medical facility, replace them with a inanimate copy and resuscitate the marked individual. This of course included repairing any damage, illness, or other malady that the person may have had. Hence, your current cancer free condition” the cat gestured at me with a paw. 

“Medical ship, resuscitated, copy? I don’t understand.”

“Greg, please, again I must ask you to hold your questions until the end.” Mr. Fuzzy Britches tilted his head down raising an eyebrow as if to say don’t make me have to tell you again. I closed my mouth crossed my legs to sit criss cross on the floor and did my best to remain calm.

“Thank you.” the cat started again. “Now, that you are here you will go though a integration program that will start tomorrow morning but for now I will show you around as I am sure you would like to get some food and rest a bit. After all, you have been through a lot the last couple of days while we brought you back to optimal health.” I almost blurted out “A couple of days?” but caught myself as the last second.

“Now, why don’t you follow me to your quarters and I will show you some of the the dining and recreation areas on the way.” and with that Mr. Fuzzy Britches swiped the last hovering screen away and turned to the door, gave a sassy tale swish and the door opened again. He looked back over his shoulder at me as he walked through the door.

“Come along don’t dawdle.” 

“Dawdle who the fuck says dawdle any more.” I thought to myself, as I got up to follow. My confusion grew but it was starting to sink in that this may just be real. I mean I don’t know how it could be but what else would explain it. I just kept silent and followed the orange cat through the door. We walked down a corridor with multiple doors that looked like the one we came out of. at the end of the hall we went through another door into what looked like a large waiting room completely filled with cats. I mean, so many cats! All different sizes, shapes, breeds, and colors. Most were sitting or lounging on the furniture all of which were a combination of what looked like futuristic cat trees, pillows, small cat sized chairs, hammocks, and various other perches attached to the walls. There were even scratching posts, and dangling cat toys in an area with what looked like to be kittens and juvenile cats. Most of the cats were sitting quietly pawing at a hovering transparent screen just like the one Mr. Fuzzy Britches had been using earlier. There was even a cat sitting behind a small desk in front of a monitor with a fucking head set on. His deep voice repetitively answered and redirected what seemed to be incoming calls. Simultaneously other cats would come out of various door ways calling out ridiculous name after ridiculous name only to have a cat jump off their perch or chair or cushion to follow them through an open door. The only thing that made this even more ridiculous was the fact that there was a hand full of humans sitting quietly trying to get comfortable on the various cat sized seats acting like there was noting out of the ordinary going on here.

I kept following  Mr. Fuzzy Britches but found myself looking back over my shoulder eyes wide mouth agape, still taking in the room. I was so enthralled that I wasn’t paying attention to where we were going and only looked away from the waiting room spectacle when the door slid closed behind me. Only then did I turn to take in my new surroundings and it stopped me dead in my tracks. A massive room expanded in front of me. It looked like a central court yard/park surrounded by what looked to be shops, restaurants, cafes, filled with cats and a few humans.  But I quickly found myself looking up transfixed by what I saw. The entire area  was capped by a massive glass dome looking out to, not blue sky but, the endless void of space with a sun (the Sun?) shining in. Then I saw it, earth. The unmistakable blue marble marked by the familiar contents of the Americas. 

“Am I… in fucking space?”